Screenplay

» by Steve Kloves.
[Final draft]
November 4, 1988

PART - II

50 INT. MOONLIGHT LOUNGE - BACKSTAGE - NIGHT

Jack, wearing a Santa hat, sits on a busing cart backstage,
smoking. Frank and Susie, in the midst of a discussion,
are also wearing Santa hats.

SUSIE
Look, all I’m telling you is what Bernadette over
the Hilton said. The nights we play, she’s drawing
three times the tips because the Chivas is jumping
out of the bottle and the room’s pearls instead of
polyester.

FRANK
I don’t understand. You’re saying we should...

SUSIE
Ask for a percentage of the bar.

FRANK
Mel Torme doesn’t get a percentage of the bar.

SUSIE
Maybe he never asked.

HOUSE MANAGER
(passing by)
Five minutes, Baker.

FRANK
(to Jack)
You hearing this?

JACK
How much you say she’s drawing?

SUSIE
Let’s put it this way. Two months ago she’s
wearing a Timex. Now she’s got a Seiko strapped
to her wrist. And it sure as hell wasn’t the Hilton
that put it there.

FRANK
You’re not actually listening to this, are you?

Jack rolls the tip of his cigarette in an ashtray.

JACK
Jerry Stein books the Hilton, right?

FRANK
For eight years.

JACK
Forget the bar. We’d look like amateurs. But why
not bump him for an extra hundred up front.

FRANK
And if he tells us to take a walk?

JACK
We play the other side of the street.

FRANK
I don’t like it. It’s not the way we play the game.

Susie watches Jack crush out his cigarette.

JACK
The game is changing.

51 INT. MOONLIGHT KITCHEN - NIGHT (AFTER THE
SHOW)

Becky, the pretty young kitchen worker, drops a bunch
of bananas into a bag.

BECKY
The cottage cheese is at the bottom. You're sure this is
what you want?

JACK
(exiting)
Perfect. Merry Christmas, Becky.

52 EXT. STREET OUTSIDE MOONLIGHT - NIGHT

As Jack exits the hotel, he finds Susie standing on the
sidewalk, shaking her purse. She sees the bag he’s
carrying.

SUSIE
Ol’ Freckles in the kitchen slip you a stack of
T-bones?

JACK
Not exactly.

Susie fishes a pack of cigarettes out of her purse. Empty.

SUSIE
Damnit!

Jack offers his pack.

SUSIE
No thanks. I never touch American cigarettes.
(searching again)
Three fifty a pack and I go through ‘em like
toothpicks.

JACK
Huh?

Susie hands Jack the empty cigarette box. It has an exotic
design.

SUSIE
Paris Opals. Three fifty a pack. Know how much
that is a piece?

JACK
Seventeen cents.

SUSIE
Seventeen and a half. But I figure, If you’re gonna
be sticking something in your mouth, might as well
make it the best.

JACK
As Jack ponders this, Frank steps outside in a
lumpy Santa suit.

FRANK
What do you think?

Jack and Susie just stare.

FRANK
Thought I’d give the kids a thrill.
(moving off)
Don’t forget Monday. Bright and early. We’ve got
a long drive.

As Frank leaves, Susie goes back to her purse.

SUSIE
I don’t know. It’s hard figuring you and egghead
as brothers. Seems like the hospital might’ve
scrambled the babies somewhere.
(finding an Opal)
Ah, here’s a lost soul.

Jack flicks out his lighter, snaps it. Susie inhales.

SUSIE
Mmm. Like kissing a rose. Well, au revoir.

JACK
(studying her)
You feel like a cup of coffee?

SUSIE
(looking up)
Now? On Christmas Eve?

Jack nods.

SUSIE
Nah. Gives me the shakes. Anyway, I’d better get
home. Rest the pipes.

JACK
You want me to walk you?

Susie looks at Jack a little funny.

SUSIE
No. Thanks.

She starts to move away, then stops and looks back.

SUSIE
Hey, listen, you’re not going soft on me, are you?
I mean, you’re not gonna start dreaming about me
and waking up all sweaty and looking at me like
I’m some kinda princess when I burp.

JACK
Forget it.

SUSIE
I mean, that’d be too creepy with us working
together and all.

JACK
Forget it.

SUSIE
Nothing personal...

Jack holds up his hand. Susie just stands there.

JACK
Better hurry. You’re a nickel down on your
cigarette.

53 EXT. VET CLINIC - NIGHT

A sign flickers: “Twenty-Four Hour Emergency Care.”

54 INT. VET CLINIC - NIGHT

Inside, a KID with deep-set eyes is bent over a magazine.
Jack enters, still wearing his tux.

KID
Super Chief around the corner.

JACK
Huh?

KID
Bathroom. Super Chief around the corner.

JACK
No, I, uh, left a dog here this morning.

The kid looks up, eyes Jack’s tux warily.

KID
Regular hours are eight to five.

JACK
Yeah, yeah, I know. I was just passing by.
Thought I’d check in on him.

KID
You can check in on him tomorrow. Between
eight and five.

JACK
Yeah, well, I thought maybe...

KID
Hey, pal. We’re not communicating, are we?

The kid shakes his head with contempt.

KID
You want to know if he’s okay. Right?

JACK
(uncomfortable)
Yeah.

KID
All right. Hold on.

JACK
The name’s Baker...

KID
Save it. What’s he look like?

JACK
(puzzled)
Black. Lab.

KID
All right. They lay the dead ones out in the cold
room. I’ll take a look.

The Kid disappears. Jack stands frozen, watching the
swinging door come to rest, looking like a man who,
unexpectedly, finds a razor pressed to his throat.

Suddenly the door swings back open.

KID
Nope. Just a couple poodles.

As the kid hunches down again, Jack stares at him.
Slowly, as Jack’s shadow falls across his magazine, the
kid looks up. Jack looks like he could EAT a dead poodle.

JACK
I WANT MY DOG.

KID
Listen, pal. Get the hell...

Jack, quick as knife, pinches the Kid’s nose between his
thumb and forefinger.

JACK
No, YOU listen, you little fuck. You either get off
your candy ass and get me my dog or I’m gonna
roll that magazine and stick it straight down your
throat.
(leaning in close)
Are we communicating now?

55 OMITTED

55A INT. HALLWAY - JACK’S BUILDING - NIGHT

Jack, with Eddie slung over one shoulder, mounts the
stairs to his apartment.

56 INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - NIGHT (SAME TIME)

Nina is watching an old Christmas movie in the dark, the
walls of the apartment dripping with black and white
snow.

JACK
(entering)
Hey. How about a little light in here.

Hearing Jack, Nina turns and flips on a lamp.

NINA
Eddie!

JACK
Forget it. He’s still circling the airport.

Jack plops Eddie onto the couch and heads for the kitchen.

NINA
I didn’t know he was coming home tonight.

JACK
Yeah, well, we sorta skipped the paperwork.
Besides, it’s Christmas, right?

Nina just nods, strokes Eddie. Jack studies her, then grabs
a carton of eggnog and two glasses.

JACK
So, where’s Ma tonight?

Nina just shrugs.

JACK
You play her the song.

NINA
Maybe tomorrow, she said.

Nina looks up and sees the carton of eggnog.

NINA
From Hurley’s?

JACK
Eighty proof. Think you can handle it?

Nina nods. As Jack fills the glasses, Nina takes the Santa
hat from his pocket.

NINA
Jack.

JACK
Yeah.

NINA
Can I stay here tonight? Even if she comes home
alone?

JACK
(a beat)
Okay.

Jack settles next to Nina, staring out the window with her.

NINA
I think I’m getting drunk.

Jack studies the lights twinkling in the darkness beyond the
window.

JACK
That’s what you’re supposed to do on Christmas
Eve.

57 INT./EXT. FRANK’S CAR - MORNING

As Frank drives through the city, Susie pores over a slick
hotel brochure.

SUSIE
Get this: “Each room is an event, an excursion
into unprecedented luxury. Step outside and the
adventure continues with your own private
terrace...” Jesus, this place is like OZ.

Frank glances at the brochure dispassionately. Susie
looks up from the brochure.

FRANK
You don’t think it really looks like that, do you?

SUSIE
It’s right here. Pictures.

FRANK
Welcome to the road, Dorothy. You’re about to
lose your virginity.

58 EXT. FRONT OF JACK’S BUILDING - MORNING

As Frank turns the corner into Jack’s street, Jack is sitting
on a suitcase in front of his building... with Eddie.

FRANK
What the hell...?

As Frank stops the car, he gets out, looks at Eddie.

FRANK
He’s just seeing you off, right?

Jack picks up his suitcase, moves to the trunk.

FRANK
Jack. This is not possible. Jack...

59 INT./EXT. FRANK'S CAR - MORNING

Jack and Eddie sit in the back. Susie hangs over the front
seat, studying Eddie.

SUSIE
You try mashed potatoes? Or how 'bout yams? I
love yams. Put me right to sleep.

FRANK
He doesn't need to sleep, he needs to eat.

SUSIE
I'm just throwing out suggestions.

FRANK
The dog just had oral surgery. Why don't you two
give him a few days before you set him up at a
smorgasboard.

Frank, so agitated he's let the car wander, gets some
vigorous HONKING from the next lane.

FRANK
(yelling out the window)
That the only tune you know!

JACK
Hey. You're spooking Ed.

FRANK
(to himself)
I'm spooking Ed.

60 EXT. “KING’S” HOTEL - DUSK

The hotel, done in a sort of King Arthur motif.

61 INT./EXT. FRANK’S CAR - DUSK

As Frank guides the car down a simulated cobblestone
drive, Susie smiles.

SUSIE
Is it just me? Or is that one spectacular hotel?

FRANK
(unimpressed)
Stunning.

Two boys in jodhpurs descend upon the car immediately,
opening the doors with exaggerated courtesy.

SUSIE
Why, THANK YOU.
(to Jack, Frank)
I’ll see you boys inside?

As Susie strolls inside, she gives them a little wave with
the brochure.

62 INT. “KING’S MANOR” LOBBY - NIGHT

Susie stands in the lobby, fixed on the brochure. We
HOLD on the picture in her hands -- a lobby of rich
velvets and handsome woods, gleaming under a
magnificent vaulted ceiling -- then TILT UP SLOWLY
to the real thing.

A perfect match.

As the doors behind her open, Susie turns to see Jack and
Frank enter. They stop cold. Eddie yawns.

SUSIE
Come on, Toto. Tell the Tin Man and the
Scarecrow to get the lead out. Dorothy’s got a
five day engagement. Guaranteed.

63 INT. FRANK AND JACK’S ROOM - NIGHT

A magnificent room, with a pair of mammoth fruit baskets.

Frank is lining family photographs on the dresser.

FRANK
I took the right side of the closet like always,
okay?

JACK
Okay.

FRANK
Since I have the bed on the right and the drawers
on the right, I figured it’s easier to remember.

JACK
Good idea.

FRANK
But if it doesn’t work out, let me know. I’m
flexible.

JACK
Right.

Just then, Susie enters from the other side of the suite,
through the connecting bathroom. She has a piece of fruit
in her hand.

SUSIE
Looks like Carmen Miranda had an accident in
my room.
(seeing their baskets)
They must get a deal on these things. What do you
make of this?

Susie holds up the tiny furry fruit in her hand.

FRANK
Kiwi.

SUSIE
Jesus. It’s got more hair than you, Frank.
(exiting)
No peeking at tub time.

63A EXT. HOTEL GROUNDS - INNER
COURTYARD - NIGHT

The inner courtyard is a maze of low hedges and small
bridges, with a tiny stream running through it all. As
Susie and Eddie inspect the menagerie of topiary animals
along the way, Jack and Frank follow several yards
behind.

FRANK
I'm telling you right now, I'm not gonna put up
with it. Did you see what she ate at dinner?

Jack, working his mouth with a toothpick, studies Susie's
trim figure up ahead.

FRANK
Prime rib, confetti pasta, a festive cheese
platter, my potato, and two desserts. Two.

JACK
You never eat your potato. Besides, we're not
paying for it. What do you care?

FRANK
You think they'd don't keep track of these things?

Frank spots Eddie, up ahead, sniffing a topiary animal.

FRANK
Oh, that's very attractive. Your dog just went to
the bathroom on an elephant.

JACK
I think it's a unicorn.

FRANK
And she has no business talking about my head.

JACK
Frank. Relax, will ya. You know what happens
when you get tense on the road.

Frank gives Jack a look.

JACK
Howard Johnson? Four years ago.

FRANK
I do not sleepwalk.

JACK
Frank. I found you down in the lobby at 3 A.M.
sitting by the Christmas tree in your pajamas.

FRANK
I went down for a pack of Chiclets, I saw the tree,
I sat down for a few minutes. That is not
sleepwalking.

JACK
Then how come you leave the bathroom light on?

Frank, a little thrown, stops.

FRANK
I leave the light on in case either of us has to
get up in the middle of the night.

JACK
(walking on)
Mm hm.

FRANK
You want me to leave it off tonight? Fine, I'll
leave it off...

64 INT. JACK AND FRANK’S ROOM - NIGHT

Pitch dark, except for a tiny sliver of light coming from
the bathroom. Suddenly, the BLARE of BIG BAND
MUSIC is heard coming from Susie’s side of the suite.

A bedside lamp flicks on. Frank.

FRANK
What the hell is this?

Jack squints awake. Eddie, in the chair by the window,
looks up groggily.

FRANK
Do you hear this? Do you?

JACK
I do now.

Frank, wearing boxers, gets out of bed.

FRANK
This is great. Before we play a single note, we’re
gonna get thrown out.

Jack sits up, takes a cigarette.

JACK
So she’s playing a little music.

FRANK
A little music! She’s got the Harry James
Orchestra in there.

JACK
Ellington.

Frank yells through the bathroom.

FRANK
Hey!

JACK
Frank.

FRANK
What?

JACK
You look a little tense.

FRANK
Of course I’m a little tense. It’s two o’clock in the
morning. She’s gonna wake up everyone in the
hotel.

Suddenly there’s a KNOCK on the door.

FRANK
See? See?

As Frank opens the door, a hulking FIGURE is there.

HULK
Massage?

SUSIE’S VOICE
Down here, gorgeous.

Susie is leaning out her door, “Perdido” is BLASTING
into the hallway. She eyes Frank’s boxers.

SUSIE
Funny, I would have figured you for jockeys,
Frank.

65 OMITTED
thru
68

68A EXT. "KING'S MANOR" HOTEL - MORNING

69 INT. FRANK AND JACK'S ROOM - MORNING
(SAME TIME)

Jack, rubbing a bad night's sleep out of his eyes, glances
over at Frank's bed. Eddie is lying there, lost in deep
slumber. A light SNORING is heard and Jack looks
down between the beds.

Frank. Blissfully asleep.

70 INT. "KING'S MANOR" DINING ROOM - DAY

Darkness. Quickly, one chandelier after another burns on,
illuminating a grand dining room. At the far end sit two
dazzling Steinways.

SUSIE
Holy shit.

The trio, standing by a panel of light switches, stares up
at the chandeliers.

SUSIE
You know, it's the least dusted lighting fixture in
the world. Fulla spiders. That's a fact.

Jack and Frank don't quite know how to respond to this.

SUSIE
Guy I met on an escort gig sold 'em.

As Jack and Frank nod, Susie looks at the stage.

SUSIE
Hey, turn 'em off.

Susie dashes to the other end of the room, to the stage.

SUSIE
Come on. Kill 'em.

FRANK
(doing it)
Do you mind telling us exactly what it is we're
doing?

SUSIE
(out of the darkness)
When I say go, you hit the lights. Okay? Okay?

FRANK
(sarcastically)
Sure. Why not?

SUSIE
Okay... Go!

As Frank hits the switches, the chandeliers trip on,
sending a rolling wave of light towards the stage.

SUSIE
Ladies and gentlemen! The Sensational Susie
Diamond!

As the stage bursts to life, Susie is revealed, head thrown
back, arms outstretched. Lena Horne couldn't do it better.

Finally, Susie breaks her pose. Jack and Frank are
staring at her.

SUSIE
Oh. And The Fabulous Baker Boys...

As Jack and Frank look at each other, MUSIC begins, and
we --

CUT TO:

71 INT. “KING’S MANOR” DINING ROOM

A sea of elegantly-dressed couples dancing cheek to
cheek on the dance floor, while others sit at candlelit
tables, sipping wine. As the stage drifts INTO VIEW,
Susie steps forwards and begins to croon, “The Look Of
Love,” while Jack and Frank underscore her voice with
lush phrasings. The atmosphere is dreamlike, hypnotic.

Almost too good to be true.

72 EXT. FRANK AND JACK’S TERRACE - NIGHT
(LATER)

The trio is on the terrace, surrounded by champagne
buckets and caviar, radio purring SOFT MUSIC. Frank’s
hair looks a little wild, as if someone has been rubbing
his head.

FRANK
(euphoric; smashed)
Why kid ourselves? It’s time to set new goals.
Cruise ships... it’s ours if we want it.

SUSIE
Fulla rats. I guy I escorted gave me the lowdown.

FRANK
(undeterred)
After that... Europe.

SUSIE
Europe?

FRANK
Music’s the international language.

SUSIE
I thought love was.

FRANK
Mark my words. From this night forward, our
lives will never be the same.

SUSIE
Tell you what, Frank. You get more pop out of
two glasses of champagne that anyone I know.

FRANK
This is a long way from Hula Girl Hideaway,
huh, Jack? Remember? Banana trees in the lobby.

JACK
Takahama’s Tahitian.

FRANK
Takahama’s? We play there. I thought we just
stopped for teriyaki.

JACK
Three nights.

FRANK
(to Susie)
It’s amazing. He can remember every place we
ever played. The day, the month, the year, how
many shows -- you name it. When was
Takahama’s, Jack?

JACK
August. ‘74.

FRANK
See? He’s brilliant. Really. Brilliant. Hey, Jack.

JACK
Hm.

FRANK
You’re brilliant.

JACK
Thanks.

FRANK
(to Susie)
Same with music. You should’ve seen him when
we were kids. No one could ride the keys like
Jack. Miss Simpson would play something once
and that was it -- he had it.

Susie, intrigued by this, studies Jack.

SUSIE
Really?

FRANK
I never won a single blue ribbon until the day
Jack showed up drunk at Spring Recital and
played “Moon Over Cuba” instead of “Clare de
Lune.”

Susie glances at Jack.

JACK
The mood just hit me.

FRANK
Hey... “Moonglow.”

Frank turns up the VOLUME of the radio and looks at
Jack with a smile. Jack shoots him a warning glance.

SUSIE
“Moonglow”...?

FRANK
High school formal. I didn’t know how to dance.
Jack did the boxstep with me for a week.

JACK
It wasn’t a week, it was an afternoon.

SUSIE
You two are closer than I thought.

JACK
He paid me.

FRANK
Worth every penny. It was my first big social
with Donna. We fell in love on the dance floor.
I have a beautiful wife, two beautiful children...
all because of my brother.

JACK
I think you’re overestimating the boxstep.

Suddenly Frank slips into Susie’s arms and begins to
dance with her, humming to the radio. Susie laughs, then
goes with him. Jack takes a sip of champagne, watching.

FRANK
It was just like this on our honeymoon. The moon,
the stars... Remember, Jack?

JACK
I wasn’t there.

FRANK
Oh, right. My first solo gig. God, she was
gorgeous. Couldn’t believe she was mine. How
come I got so lucky, Jack?

JACK
You’re a lucky guy.

FRANK
I am. I am a lucky guy. She could’ve married
anyone, but she chose me...
(to Susie)
You know I’ve never kissed my wife on New
Year’s Eve. Not once. Always onstage
somewhere.

This seems to make Frank a little melancholy and he
almost stops dancing. Finally, he pulls away.

FRANK
I think I’m drunk. You two dance. I gonna go
sit with the wallflowers.

As Frank turns Susie toward Jack, they glance at each
other awkwardly.

SUSIE
I don’t know. I’m not used to leading.

FRANK
Come on, Jack. Give the girl a glide.

SUSIE
I think maybe your little brother prefers to dance
alone.

Susie smiles slightly, offers Jack a cigarette.

JACK
No thanks. I never touch French cigarettes.

Susie’s drunk enough that this tickles her a bit. Jack steps
forward and takes her hand and they begin to move.

SUSIE
Your brother’s a pretty good dancer.

FRANK
Big heartbreaker. Never had to say a word.
Couple turns on the dance floor and that was it.

SUSIE
(amused)
REALLY.

FRANK
(tapping his knees)
Got ‘em right in the knees. They practically had
to carry the girls off the floor.

SUSIE
How thrilling.

JACK
Frank, why don’t you have another drink?

FRANK
I’m sleepy.

JACK
Why don’t you go to sleep then.

FRANK
All right.

Frank grabs a bottle and disappears into the bedroom.

SUSIE
Looks like I lost my chaperone.

JACK
I think you’re safe.

Jack presses in closer, moving smoothly to the music.

SUSIE
So, where do you keep all your blue ribbons,
Baker?

JACK
Frank keeps them.

Jack slides his hand a little lower on Susie’s back.

SUSIE
Nice night, huh?

JACK
Hm-hm.

Susie swallows, melting into the rhythm of Jack’s
movements, into his body, drifting to the purr of the
MUSIC, swirling under the stars. Suddenly, she dips in
a little quivering motion and Jack catches her.

JACK
Careful.

Susie looks a little shocked by her body’s betrayal. She
separates from Jack and takes a step back.

SUSIE
I... I think I’ve had too much to drink. Champagne
goes right to my... head.

JACK
Maybe we should call it a night.

Susie nods. A smile flickers on Jack’s lips, then he turns
away. Susie looks down.

At her knees.

73 INT. FRANK AND JACK’S ROOM - NEXT MORNING

Seemingly empty, both beds unmade and unoccupied, a
champagne bottle on the carpet, a tuxedo jacket hanging
cockeyed on the closet floor, and Frank... fast asleep in
the chair by the window.

74 INT. “KING’S MANOR” LOBBY - MORNING (EARLY)

As Susie steps out of the elevator, THEO, the clerk at the
front desk, motions to her.

THEO
Oh, Miss Diamond. These just arrived for you.

A dozen red roses are sitting on the desk.

THEO
Looks like you’ve got an admirer.

SUSIE
There’s no card.

THEO
The gentleman who left them said he would be in
contact with you. I can have someone put them in
water if you like.

SUSIE
Nah, that’s all right.

Susie takes the roses and turns back to the elevators. As
the doors open, Eddie trots out, heading off across the
lobby. Susie watches him go by, then we...

CUT TO:

75 INT. “KING’S MANOR” CORRIDOR - EDDIE -
MORNING

A moment later, coming toward us down a corridor off the
lobby. As he passes out of sight, Susie appears at the
opposite end.

SUSIE’S POV

as Eddie disappears into the grand dining room. Curious,
she follows. As she draws closer, the SOUND of a piano
becomes clear. Peering inside, she finds Jack playing
alone at one of the grands onstage.

76 INT. “KING’S MANOR” DINING ROOM - MORNING

In the vast emptiness of the room, the piano resonates
powerfully and the music Jack makes is like nothing
we’ve heard him play before. Fluid and unpredictable, it
is played with the focused abandon of a jazz hand. Susie
watches, transfixed.

As he finishes, Jack notices Susie, but says nothing,
instead pouring himself another glass of whiskey and
starting to play again.

SUSIE
Working overtime?

JACK
I like the crowd.

Susie smiles slightly.

JACK
(the roses)
Win a pageant?

SUSIE
First runner-up. Story of my life.

Jack doesn’t react, just keeps playing. Susie drops the
flowers onto a table and walks over to the piano.

SUSIE
What’s this? You’re playing?

JACK
(shrugging)
Just thinking out loud.

SUSIE
Nice.

JACK
Hm?

Susie watches Jack’s hand glide deftly over the keys,
then looks at his face. He is oblivious to all but the sounds
he is making.

SUSIE
(quietly)
Nice.

77 INT. "KING'S MANOR" LOBBY - MORNING

Frank steps out of the elevator, looking like a man with
the worst hangover in history.

THEO
(cheery)
Good morning, Mr. Baker

FRANK
(grim)
Hi, Theo.

THEO
Your wife's called again.

FRANK
Yeah, what is it now?

THEO
(reading a note)
Little Frank refuses to ride his new bike unless the
training wheels are removed, he's locked himself
in the bathroom, and he has Cindy with him. He's
says he'll only talk to you.(pointing)
You can use the courtesy phone around the
corner if you like.

Frank nods wearily. He goes to the phone, begins to dial,
then hears the SOUND of Jack's piano. Hanging up the
phone, he wanders down to the dining room and looks
inside.

78 INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING

Susie is leaning over the piano, smoking a cigarette, a
shoe dangling from her toe as she watches Jack play.
There is something intimate in her posture.

There is something about it Frank doesn’t like.

79 INT. “KING’S MANOR” BACKSTAGE - NIGHT

As Jack smokes calmly, Frank paces tensely. He takes a
few steps, glances at Jack, then resumes pacing, stops,
looks at Jack again.

FRANK
You know I think it’s been five years since I saw
you without a cigarette in your mouth. Five years.

Jack, a cigarette dangling from his lip, just stares at Frank.

FRANK
The whole goddamn room upstairs smells like an
ashtray. You know that, don’t you? The sheets, the
carpet, the drapes, the towels, my tux, my shirt.
Do you want to smell my shirt? Do you?

JACK
Maybe later.

FRANK
I’m not kidding about this. Do you have any idea
what an insidious habit that is? I mean, how many
cigarettes do you smoke in one day? It must be
hundreds.

JACK
This is just a wild stab, but... is something
bothering you, Frank?

FRANK
Leave her alone. I mean it.

Jack looks at Frank, puzzled.

FRANK
Jack. This isn’t some hatcheck girl you can leave
behind at the Sheraton. You got two shows a
night with her.

As Jack realises what Frank means, his eyes harden.

JACK
You don’t know what you’re talking about.

FRANK
I know trouble. And its name starts with an “S.”

JACK
Do me a favour, Frank. Relax.

FRANK
Do me a favour, little brother. Stick to cocktail
waitresses.

80 INT. “KING’S MANOR” DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Moments later, onstage. Frank is addressing the audience.

FRANK
You know, meeting here each night as we do,
sharing these few moments, I feel as if we’re
becoming one big happy family.

Jack, still burning from Frank’s comments backstage,
eyes Frank coolly.

FRANK
The candlelight. The music. You. Everyone of you.
Just being yourselves. People being people. What’s
all this mean? I don’t know. Who’s to say? All I
can tell you is, it makes it very special for us up
here to have you out there. Right, Susie?

SUSIE
Right, Frank.

FRANK
Right, Jack?

JACK
Right. But if I could, I’d just like to add one thing...
I love you, Frank.

FRANK
(stunned)
What?

JACK
I love you. I just wanted to say it.

Frank stares incredulously at Jack. Suddenly the audience
breaks into APPLAUSE.

FRANK
Uh, well, thanks for sharing that with us, Jack.
(moving quickly)
So. Susie. How ‘bout it?

SUSIE
Huh?

FRANK
Got another song for us?

SUSIE
Oh. Yeah. I gotta bunch of them.

FRANK
Well then... shall we?

As Frank stares over at Jack, Jack lights a cigarette and
exhales a long plume of smoke.

81 INT. FRANK AND JACK’S ROOM - NIGHT (AFTER
THE SHOW)

Eddie watches Jack and Frank undress in heavy silence.
Susie, washing up, listens from the bathroom.

FRANK
You came in late on “Little Green Apples.”

JACK
(pointedly)
I’m sorry?

FRANK
You heard me.

JACK
You came in early, Frank. You’ve been coming in
early for the last decade.

FRANK
I never miss the beat.

Jack lets out a derisive chuckle.

FRANK
I NEVER MISS THE BEAT.

JACK
That’s because you make it up as you go along.

Frank stops undressing, stares at Jack.

FRANK
Take it back.

JACK
Take it back? What is this? Third grade?

FRANK
TAKE IT BACK.

Jack frowns at his brother, then tosses him a kiwi.

JACK
Eat a kiwi, Frank.

Frank flings the kiwi back at Jack. Jack ducks.

JACK
Hey!

81A INT. BATHROOM (SAME TIME)

Susie peeks through the door. Jack is standing in his
boxers, a pineapple in his hand, pointing at Frank.

JACK
Go to bed, Frank. Or this is gonna get ugly.

SUSIE
(to herself)
It’s the fucking Newlywed Game.

Shaking her head, Susie exits, flicking off the light.

FRANK (O.S.)
Hey!

SUSIE
(flicking it back on)
Sorry.

82 INT. JACK AND FRANK’S ROOM - MORNING

We START on the kiwi, lying in a battered lump on the
windowsill, PASS OVER a pack of cigarettes on the
night table, then SETTLE on Frank... nestled under Jack’s
shoulder, dead to the world.

Jack blinks awake. Slowly his eyes slide over...

83 INT. SUSIE’S ROOM - MORNING (SAME TIME)

As Susie strokes her hair before the mirror, the phone
RINGS.

SUSIE
Yeah?... No, Mr. Baker’s next door... Huh?...
Urgent?... No, never mind, I’ll get him.

Susie passes through the bathroom, opens the door.

SUSIE
Phone call, Frank. They say it’s... important.

Susie stops, seeing Jack, smoking now, with Frank still
slumbering under his shoulder. It’s a rather striking
tableau.

SUSIE
Guess you guys made up, huh?

84 OMITTED

85 INT. FRANK AND JACK’S ROOM - A SUITCASE
- DAY (LATER)

Frank moves like a twister through the room, tossing his
belongings in a suitcase.

FRANK
We made a deal. Man to man. Training wheels for
a month, then we’d see.

SUSIE
He ran into a car?

FRANK
Mrs. Ramondino’s station wagon. It wasn’t moving.
It was just parked on the street. He barely made it
out of the driveway. All right, who’s got a pencil?

SUSIE
Pencil?

FRANK
I want you to take down the New Year’s show.
Remember, at ten o’clock you start with “Thanks
For The Memories,” then...

JACK
I know the show, Frank.

FRANK
I just think it’s best if...

JACK
Frank. Go.

Frank gives in, grabs the suitcase, then pauses by the door.

FRANK
Guess I’m gonna get to kiss my wife on New
Year’s after all.

86 INT. JACK’S ROOM - DAY (SEVERAL HOURS
LATER)

Jack has lined a row of kiwis on the windowsill and is
shooting rubber bands at them.

87 INT. SUSIE’S ROOM - DAY (SAME TIME)

Susie is smoking a cigarette, staring out the window. She
glances at the bathroom once, twice, then takes the
newspaper and passes through.

88 INT. JACK’S ROOM - DAY (SAME TIME)

SUSIE
Any word from Egghead?

Jack shakes his head. Susie nods, offers the paper.

SUSIE
I’m through with it.

JACK
Oh. Thanks.

SUSIE
Left the crossword.

This doesn’t seem to excite Jack, but he nods anyway.

SUSIE
Well. Happy reading.

89 INT. BATHROOM - DAY

Susie retreats, frowns to herself, then notices Jack’s
shaving cup. Curious, she takes the brush, runs the
bristles over her cheek, then spins the cap off a bottle of
aftershave, sniffs.

90 INT. JACK’S ROOM - DAY

Jack, up and pacing, pauses as he passes the bathroom,
listening to the strange STIRRINGS inside.

91 INT. BATHROOM - DAY

Susie inspects a few more items, then exits. Seconds
later, the door opens tentatively and Jack enters. He eyes
his things, adjusts the shaving brush. He glances as the riot
of powders and creams crowding Susie’s sink. Picking up
a tiny perfume vial, he gives it a spray: it packs quite a
wallop. Startled, he waves his hand to defuse the odor.

92 INT. SUSIE’S ROOM - DAY

Outside, Susie pauses on her cigarette, sniffs the air.

93 INT. BATHROOM - DAY

Jack replaces the bottle, accidentally causing a stir among
a few other others, then exits. As Susie re-enters, a tiny
nail polish bottle wobbles upright. She studies the bottle,
sniffs again, then pokes her head into Jack’s room.

94 INT. JACK’S ROOM - DAY

SUSIE
Anything yet?

JACK
Not a peep.

SUSIE
Well. I think I’ll take a bath.

Jack nods. Susie nods.

95 INT. BATHROOM - DAY

Susie pulls the door closed, frowns again, then turns on the
bath. Taking a bottle of Mr. Bubble, she sits on the toilet
and sprays pink lazy eights into the tub.

96 INT. JACK'S ROOM - DAY

Jack stops, pivots and sends a kiwi towards the
waste-basket. SWISH.

97 INT. SUSIE'S ROOM - DAY

Susie goes to the bedroom, strips, slips into a robe.
There are cigarettes burning in every corner of the room.
Oblivious, she lights another.

98 INT. JACK'S ROOM - DAY

Eddie ducks as a plum sails over his head. The carpet
around the waste-basket is littered with fruit. Jack grabs
a coconut, eyes the basket, then notices a crescent forming
on the carpet outside the bathroom. He raps on the door,
gets nothing.

99 INT. BATHROOM - DAY

Jack enters just as Mr. Bubble glides over the lip of the
tub.

100 INT. SUSIE'S ROOM - DAY

Susie, staring at the ocean like Garbo, hears the BOTTLE
tumble, then sees the water. She dashes in.

101 INT. BATHROOM - DAY

As the door pounds Jack, Susie does a little slip-slide-spin
on the sudsy floor and tumbles into Jack's arms.

Not exactly "From Here To Eternity", but the room IS
pretty steamy and Susie's robe has slipped off one very
nice shoulder. Jack looks at the shoulder, then into Susie's
eyes. Susie looks back. Swallows.

SUSIE
Thanks.

They stand like this, sort of like a statue, then the phone
RINGS. They disengage. Jack goes to the phone.

JACK
Yeah... Oh, hi, Frank.
(to Susie)
It's Frank.

Susie nods, pulls her robe closed.

JACK
So. How's little Frank?... Yeah?... Well, tha